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You Were Meant To Be Broken=The Lie Behind Sexual Abuse

Sexual Abuse.  It has been going on for since the beginning when sin entered into the world.

My earliest memory is of sexual abuse.  I was three years old and was awoken by a man who was supposed to be my babysitter who had stripped from the waist down on his waterbed and was violating me.  I was scared, I was confused, I was in pain and did not know what to do, so I pretended to be asleep.  I cried silently as I laid there being abused in such a horrific way that when I tell you that I understand the deep wounds of sexual abuse, I really mean it.
That being said, I want to talk to those who are watching the Penn State Scandal.  I want to discuss Sexual Abuse from the perceptive that perhaps those who are sexually abused have been and are being targeted by the Devil because they have been called by God to bring their gifts in a very powerful way to the word for the sake of the salvation of souls.  Each of us have been created by God as a unique and unrepeatable gift of our person.  Each of us have been given different gifts and charisms in living out our lives that will bring Christ to the world.  So in light of this truth, it makes sense then, that if we had supernatural eyes to see, we  would see that light emanating from one another and that the light takes on a different look in some way depending upon who you are and what your particular gifts are.  Just as an icon looks as if the light is coming from within the person in the icon, that is how each of us, as an icon revealing we are created in the image and likeness of God, emanate light in the spiritual realm that only the angels and demons that surround us can see.

A few weeks ago I was in Chicago listening to Zachary King, an ex-high Wizard that was in a satanic coven for over 26 years give his conversion story.

As he was speaking about his childhood, I began to think, what if the reason certain people are sexually abused is not a random event, but is actually a coordinated attack by the devil to destroy God's chosen ones.  What if there were persons who were chosen by God to for the building up of the church and in doing so, bestowed upon them gifts and charisms  and in being chosen, there was some how a supernatural sign upon them that the enemy had learned to identify them?

As I pondered this in prayer, I began to imagine that right in the mother's womb, as new life is being knit together, the kiss of God is placed upon this tiny unborn child and in doing so an immortal soul is infused, thus creating a human person.   Each one of us is made in the image and likeness of God, unique and unrepeatable persons.  Within this truth there is a distinct gift of dignity within that child.  However each of us are called to give our yes in different ways and for different reasons.  Let's say a particular person is called to the priesthood or perhaps is called to be a great Saint and evangelize the world!  Well, this person would bear a mark that is quite different than others.  Perhaps there are more angels that surround this child or different angels, perhaps there is a light that emanates from them in some mysterious way, whatever this mark, this light, or the angels are that differentiate it from others, there seems to be some identifiable means of which to distinguish them from others.

The enemy, being superior in intellect and having thousands of years through trial and error, has some how learned to identify and recognize it.  He might not always know what exactly that persons call is, but he has learned to identify which ones ultimately enter religious life and which ones end up being extremely dangerous, or more easily swayed to his "dark" side and when he does,  he goes after it with a vengeance.  Why? Because we are at war folks.  We are the Church Militant and the enemy has his own battle plan, in terms of war the best plan is to infiltrate the enemies lair, subvert and undermine, use spies, whatever it takes to corrupt and destroy their military efforts.

I asked a priest friend of mine who is a Theologian in this area if I was correct in saying that those who are called to religious life are some how marked in a supernatural way.  He told me that yes, at the moment of conception those that are called to the priesthood are marked and that Mary does know her priests.  He also said that there are different angels sent to different people for different reasons and so that it would correct to say that the enemy can "see" this.

If we had supernatural eyes, we would see this as well.  Some of us are more in tune with the mystical all around us but for many, this reality is hard to believe in or hard to understand.  However, it is my hope that using this analogy one can begin to realize that we are body and soul.  That means there is a physical and spiritual reality knit together creating our very person.  We are neither one nor the other.  The teachings of Theology of The Body by Blessed Pope John Paul II states that " the body makes visible the invisible".  This means that my person is revealed through my body.  Spiritual realities, which our physical eyes can not see, still exist.  If I asked you if you loved someone and you said yes, could you place that love on the table in front of me to show me it? No, but we physicalize our love in other ways.  It is the old saying "Actions speak louder than words" and that is because our actions, our works, our deeds reveal a lot about who we are as human beings.  We need to open our minds to the reality that there is a spiritual realm all around us and it is just as real as the physical one.

The devil exists.  If we had eyes to see the spiritual realm, we would see him and much more.  St. Padre Pio,  once told a group of people that the number of devils active in the world is greater

than all the people who had been alive since Adam.[cviii] 

Padre Pio also said: “If all the devils that are here were to take bodily form, they would blot out the light of the sun!”[cix]. I read this same evidence in the books written by Fr. Gabriel Amorth, a leading Vatican Exorcist. 

ArchBishop Fulton Sheen said the greatest thing the devil ever did was to get people to think he does not exist.  I would agree with that but I would like to add that the devil has propagated yet another aspect to that great lie which is now taking hold even amongst Christians and is actually a far more dangerous lie.

People are now acknowledging that there may be a devil, yet in the same breath they say "but don't focus on him that is what he wants".  Some how people think that if they just ignore him he will go away or will not try to come against them in any way.  I have actually heard someone say, I don't pay any attention to him and people that do are giving him attention and that is giving him power.

I am sorry but what a load of garbage.  The devil is out there and he believes in what we seem to have all willingly abandoned which the belief the supernatural, the belief in the mystical, the mysterious and the spiritual reality that is is all around us.  Everything does mean something.  Our bodies speak a language.  Spiritual realities can be brought to bear in our temporal world we see this through the sacraments which are outward signs that we enter into through and with our physical bodies but what is even more amazing is that there is a spiritual grace that is flowing into our very soul through the sacraments.  The enemy knows this and that is why the "Black Mass" is an exact replica of a true mass, but profaned and blasphemed through ritual, even a consecrated host is used.  Why? Because the Devil believes that ritual, blood, words, sacramentals, sacraments, covenants and contracts are all real supernatural realities that are manifested in a physical way and so, being the great legalist that he is, exploits these truths that so many Christians no longer believe in.

St. Thomas of Aquinas said in his "Summa" that when a man and woman free from mortal sin come together in the marital embrace that the very union of this action becomes a conduit of grace to their souls which is a healing of concupiscence, it enables them to grow in holiness because of the grace received in the action.

The washing waters of baptism, the anointing of our bodies with healing oils, the eating and drinking of the body of Christ, the laying on of hands, the words spoken at consecration or when a couple makes their vows, we are physical beings with a soul and so a spiritual experience is something that our souls are experiencing while our bodies are experiencing it physically.

As a Catholic, I realize that blessed salt is not a magical luck charm.  The use of Exorcised salt is powerful to exorcise a demon because the spiritual power of Jesus Christ through the Church is brought to bear on the physical substance through the blessing of the priest who in the person of Christ (in persona Christi) has with his spoken word, form of prayer and authority of the Church, joined that spiritual reality to the physical substance that I or anyone else can than take and use in their homes or elsewhere.  This is theology of the body in that as the body makes visible the invisible, the salt is making visible the power of the Church in it's use because of the prayer assigned to it.

We see this through the Crucifix, the devil hates it not because it is a piece of wood with a piece of metal of an imitation Jesus that perhaps was manufactured in China, but the enemy sees the power of what it signifies, the power of the obedience and the spiritual meaning of it brought to bear and made visible through the physical form!!!!

The scapular then truly is an armor on the body.  The enrollment in a scapular then seals the person through the prayer said by the priest over the person being enrolled.  The prayer and all of the spiritual protection that comes from it's efficacy is then physicalized onto the person as an outward sign of the protection when it is worn.  Their front and their back are covered in this prayer so that no hex, vex, spell or curse can be made on this person who is shielded and protected.  I imagine anyone trying would see spiritual rubber balls bounce right off this person wearing a scapular.

So you see, those persons who were sexually abused, may have been spotted right in the womb and the enemy has from that moment on, tried to attack and destroy that person so that they could not become all that God called them to be.  The enemy has learned, that in a world of distraction and noise, the likelihood of a person hearing God's call can be drastically reduced when this person has been abused through the very deep wounds of sexual abuse.  The enemy knows that our sexuality, being a boy or girl is a sign that reveals that we were created for love and in God's image and likeness, in the image of the trinity and so the devil seeks to strike us there.

This chink in the armor can cause many of us to despair on Gods mercy, to think that how can God exist to allow this to happen to me? Perhaps we think, how can God be a loving God and let this happen? For those who do overcome that objection, the devil realizes that even though this person may come to believe that God loves them, but that the devil is working to inflict this evil deed, he knows that they will be broken.

Father wounds, intimacy issues, addictions, trust issues and so much more are now inflicted upon the soul because of the sexual abuse and so those of us who answer the call and begin healing, leak like a sieve and are not as effective in being able to bring a drink of the merciful love of Christ to others.

But what if you learned that the sexual abuse was a deliberate and purposeful targeting of you by the devil because you were marked for greatness? What if you learned that the reason you were so severely abused was because marked you amongst his chosen ones that he was in trusting gifts and charisms for the ensuring of the faith and for his plan of Divine Providence?

What you would you think then?  In the enemies eyes, we were made to be broken.  If you need healing from the lies and wounds created by the devil from sexual abuse, any childhood wound or wound from our culture, come to Crystal Lake Illinois on December 10th and be set free!!!
http://Preparing4Battle.com

St. Mary MacKillop, pray for us.

Saint Mary MacKillop Shares Hope with Sex Abuse Victims
Sister Mary MacKillop will be canonized this month for her extraordinary efforts helping the poor and founding a religious order under tough circumstances, but her experience dealing with sexual abuse is propelling followers to anoint her as the patron saint of sexual abuse victims.    Since the abuse happened in the church it makes her life story connect with victims and helps represent the modern day struggle that leaders are engaged in overcoming and extricating abuse out of the church.
Sister Mary MacKillop exposed a Catholic priest of sex abuse in a parish in Australia in 1870.  After she revealed that children were being abused by Father Patrick Keating in a nearby parish, she was excommunicated from the church. 
Humiliated by the accusation, Father Keating took revenge on Sister MacKillop as she was officially excommunicated, banished from the church and denied sacrament, by Bishop Sheil, a friend of Father Keating.  Sister MacKillop’s revelation came at a time in the church’s history when church leaders did not want to hear the truth and face the problem of abuse in the church.  As a result, it was easier to punish Sister MacKillop, with contempt and strong opposition that eventually resulted in her excommunication.
With Sister MacKillop’s recent canonization, victims of sex abuse, their friends and families now can pray to her for reconciliation and healing.  Sister MacKillop has clearly shown an understanding of the pain and suffering they endured.  The church’s decision to canonize Sister MacKillop shows a great deal of hope and healing for the church and victims of sexual abuse.  The decision also shows the necessity of addressing and preventing the crimes of abuse head on, and the wisdom showed by the church in it’s ability to recognize and atone for its mistakes.
Sister MacKillop inspires us with a life that was heroic, full and holy.  Her story illustrates a remarkable life: she established an Australian religious order, taught children, worked with the poor and lived a holy life.  She stood up for victims of abuse, when the price to pay was so dear, membership to the church that she loved.

True Worth

After attending Theology of the Body Institute in which Dr. Janet Smith taught the Love and Responsibility course, I realized that my own past of physical, emotional and sexual abuse had tainted and distorted my understanding of self-worth as well as my ability to show and receive love. For this conversation I speak of love in the sense of the platonic sense. Love of neighbor as a subject created by God not an object.

That day we were discussing how male and female He created them and in our unique creation we compliment on another. We continued to speak of how men find the feminine attractive and women find the masculine attractive and that this attraction is not sinful but is ordered for we were created for love. For love to exist, there needs to be a lover, a beloved and the fire of the love between them. Since we are created in the image and likeness of God, then when we are attracted to the opposite sex, we are in fact attracted to love and attracted to God. We dissected attracted and it was said that attraction and lust are not the same. I had believed this to be true. I had felt that once attracted, that pull, that sensation of delight was sinful and must be stopped at it's first inception or it could lead to a greater sin.

I raised my hand and asked the question, I have found that I find men very attractive. What I mean to say is, when I look upon men, no matter who they are or what they look like I find myself attracted to some part of them that comes from their masculinity. It may be there broad shoulders or the fact that they are so tall. It might be a timber to their voice, but whatever the thing is, I feel a warm sensation of butterflies in my stomach that feels it will float into my throat. It is almost a feeling like a sigh. I have always believed that this was very wrong of me. That I must have some inordinate desire that stemmed from a childhood of abuse. I have believed that this "delight" in the opposite sex, has most likely been some kind of emotional dysfunction that I must try and "fix" or overcome lest I fall into sin.

I shared how I had learned to close myself off, that I had trained myself to avoid eye contact with men that I did not know. If they looked at me, I certainly did not smile at them for that would be opening myself up and would make me vulnerable. I also believed that it would be leading them to sin because I would be then sending a message of interest and that would be wrong since I am married.

Imagine my surprise when I was met with an overwhelming response that my delight was not sinful but rather it was the essence of Pope John Paul's message. That stamped into our bodies is God revealing the mystery of love and he desperately wants us to understand this!

I mention this because it seems to me so many of us are hurting from past abuse and we do not realize that we need smiles and eye contact and yes, even touch. Christopher West mentioned the Manichean demon and heresy. He talked about how it is not sinful for a man to look at a beautiful attractive woman and see her, smile at her and say to himself "That is a very attractive, beautiful and feminine woman". In fact, he mentioned that it affirms a man in his own masculinity to see his feminine counterpart and delight in her being created as feminine. I am not talking about lust, I am talking about recognizing that woman is a site to behold and her creation as woman is a delight!

I had NEVER thought about this concept. Suddenly, I realized that the very need to be loved that I have been carrying around with me was starving me emotionally. I had bought in to a lie that my body was something that would lead men to sin and could not be trusted. I believed that if I even smiled at a man I would be inviting him into an occasion of lust. I had even begun to fear confession. I worried that if a priest heard me speak about anything to do with sexuality, that I would be scandalizing him for surely he would have lustful thoughts about me. My twisted understanding of the body had begun to distort my image of masculinity. I had begun to believe that all men were easily tempted and would be led to feelings of lust with even the slightest of provocations.

I do not say this to sound as if my looks would tempt any man but rather to point out a flaw within myself. For one, past abuses that I had encountered had trained me to keep people at arms length, for my own safety and for theirs. Two, the "ubber" Catholic groups I had encountered had presented the same theme. I was told by a priest that I was to pretty to wear jeans and that I should under no circumstances wear shorts. In fact, he had told me that to be truly modest I must only wear dresses and to make sure they were long. I must say that this directive led me to believe that my body was an obstacle to my own holiness as well as others.

The turning point in this deep seeded belief came during the before mentioned seminar at the Theology of The Body Institute. There was a man and wife at the Seminar. His name was Charlie. They had been married for over 40 years. At one point he stood up and said to the group how beautiful I was and how it gave him joy to see me every day and that he took delight in seeing how beautifully feminine I was.

I began to cry. Why? Well, first of all it goes back to Dr. Conrad Baars' theory that to receive affirmation, it must be from someone that you believe is authentic as well as a from someone in authority. If he had been a handsome young man, I would have made sure to sit on the other side of the room from them on. I would have avoided eye contact as well as conversation except for brief polite greetings. I would never have allowed myself to be alone with him, not even in eucharistic adoration for that would have been to distracting to me. But, because he was sitting next to his wife when he said it and at least 30 years my senior, I believed him. I believed him so completely that tears streamed down my face and I could not stop them. I believe that one moment of understanding has opened a floodgate of healing in my life.

After that night I decided that whenever I saw someone look at me and make eye contact, I would hold that gaze for a moment and smile with all the love in my heart that I could. I would think the words; "God loves you". When I left the Institute and arrived at a Philadelphia airport I was on a mission. I decided that if I saw a man look at me, I would smile with love. One after another I made eye contact and smiled when I felt someone's eyes on me. I can not describe the joy in my heart that I experienced with the events that followed. I remember one man even tipped his hat. I did not see lust, I did not see invitation, I saw warmth and an almost thankfulness behind their eyes.

I came to realize that we all desire to be loved and accepted. It is in our daily activities that we can give and receive love. We can do that by looking upon one another and delighting in their creation and saying you are beauty to my eyes! I delight in your creation!

We need to overcome the heresy that the body is an impediment to holiness. It is this heresy that I believe to have been my own obstacle in believing in and accepting the key concepts and truths taught in Theology of The Body. The enemy has used this heresy to prevent many from entering into the beautiful message message given to us by Pope John Paul II. Consequently, it has prevented me from entering into true healing that can ONLY come from affirmation. My distorted beliefs had convinced me to close myself off from affirmation, the distorted belief of the body.

It is one thing to know about Theology of The Body and it is quite another to be able to experience it. I have know and talked about TOB for a number of years. However, it is only recently, that I have begun to experience it first hand. I ask for prayers as I embark on a mission to uncover this lie from the enemy. I pray my new talk will open the eyes of many who have heard but have not been able to believe.