Thursday, June 28, 2012

Perfume or Potion? UPDATED 7/2/12


Lady Gaga has created her own line of perfume.  It is due to be released in September of 2012.  What will a person smell like if they wear it?  Well, according to Lady Gaga, the person who wears this perfume will smell like " an expensive hooker."  

Just what we ladies where looking for! A perfume that would make us smell like a prostitute.  How exactly is this accomplished we ask? According to the Boston Globe (and a number of other sources) the perfume "FAME", consists of many things, but there are three specific ingredients that that beg the question; "Is this perfume or a potion?"
Those three ingredients are blood, semen and poison. 

It is imperative that we understand, even if we do not want to believe,  that there is a spiritual realm all around us.  Why do you ask?  Because then and only then do you realize that the things this woman does has an impact on our life regardless if we buy this perfume or not and regardless of whether or not we even listen to her music.  

The simple fact of the matter is that the things we do and say DO matter.  The reality is that we communicate in and through our bodies and the physical world does impact the spiritual reality.  

Because we experience the world in and through our bodies, the fives senses of the human person are the ways in which our person, is shaped and formed.  We experience things through the body and then usually, our intellect and reason and conscious helps to balance out what is objectively true and what is subjective.  However, when we talk about music, we are talking about a medium that can bypass the intellect and have a direct effect on us just by listening to music.  Even the vibrations of music effect us (see "Good Vibrations" article where I show the scientific evidence of how vibrations and harmonics of sound and music impact our well being, health and so much more).

Just as music bypasses the intellect and speaks to our emotions, so too can smells, tastes, colors we see and things we feel bypass our intellect and reason and effect our well being or person.  

Our bodies are effected through the olfactory receptors and the smells we come in contact with can bring up a memory, make us ill, can change or menstrual cycles and so much more. 

It is not just that we are affected by things we see, taste, touch, smell and hear but they can actually impact our our ability to make intelligent decisions.  

This is where my concern about this perfume comes into context.  There is a real spiritual significance to this perfume/potion and I will attempt the reader to see that there are some real truths here that beg the question "Is this a perfume or is this some kind of potion? If it is a potion, then we have a very serious problem on our hands.  

To help those who are still in denial that Lady Gaga may be at worst,  involved in the occult or at best, just using this as propaganda to sell more records,  lets analyze this further.   It is my contention that this is not just a perfume but it glorifies evil and wit craft, it uses ingredients that alters the chemistry of peoples bodies so that women may find themselves attracted to other women and may experience aggressive sexual or erotic feelings or somatic  responses when wearing it.  I also believe as a Christian, that the use of her own blood has made this a liquid that when worn, consecrates the person wearing it to "Mother Monster" and all that she stands for.  Why? Well, read on and I will explain. 






The design of the bottle is strangely reminiscent of an egg, the kind of egg that she inserted herself into and had a group of prosthetic horn wearing "monsters" carry her down the red carpet of the 
Grammy's and then later emerged out of on stage at the debut of the song "Born This Way".  She later said that she had to be placed inside of the egg for several days so that her own DNA could be infused with the DNA of an alien as she was going to be birthing a new race.  The egg ritual was actually part of a invocation ritual developed by Aleister Crowley to invoke the "Lam" entity which is the entity or demon that has the power over speech.  Mr. Crowley, is known for developing all kinds of rituals, spells, etc using sexual magick that he was "enlightened" to from a supernatural entity that appeared to him in Egypt when he was under the influence of mind altering drugs.  While some would say that Aleister was crazy, even Hitler himself used the symbols published by Aleister in his writings because of the belief that symbols hold some sort of spiritual power.  The swastika was the symbol that Aleister supposedly told Adolf Hitler to use saying that the reason was because the meaning in the symbol was the the opposite of peace. 

The slender slender golden claws that grab at the egg's design remind me of the Mother Monster herself as she often asks her "Little Monsters" to put their paws up as sign of solidarity.  

The fact that the liquid is black is another oddity to be found in a beauty product for women, particularly that which is for fragrance.  For me, black has a negative connotation.  I would rather put a clear or even a pink liquid on my body before I would want to slash on black liquid.  The liquid does change to clear once it is sprayed, but it is very interesting that the color black was chosen as the signature color.


ATROPA comes from the Greek goddess ATROPOS. She is one of the three "fates" that was one of three that effected the fate and destiny of the world by severing the threads that connected a person to their bodies.  This severing, brought them death and so Atropa's story helps to open the understanding of the uses of Belladonna throughout history.   These feminine fatal's were linked to the supernatural.  

Which Image Is More Beautiful To You?

BELLADONNA is Italian for "beautiful woman" and was so named because of the women who would use this plant in a tincture to put into their eyes to dilate their pupils.  It was believed that larger pupils was more attractive.  The "tears" of belladonna then is the tincture spoken of that was put into eye drops and then used by women to create this effect.

While Atropa Belladonna has always been understood to be extremely poisonous, there has been uses throughout history of this plant.  It should be noted that most of the uses where to create hallucinations or psychological effects and most often it was always for women.  This herb was the major herb used by "witches" in their "flying brew".  

By flying, it is now understood that it was not to literally fly, but it was to create somewhat of what we would now call astroprojections, or a loss of consciousness or leaving ones body.  This was most often coupled with sexual magick, way before Aleister Crowley would ever come to call it that.  

Belladonna was used by witches in the Middle ages and was equated with aggressive female sexuality.  The "flying ointment" was a salve, made from Atropa Belladonna along with others and then rubbed on the bodies of the women to experience erotic sensations and hallucinations.  They would then participate in orgies at the "Sabbat" with demons.  Some say the legend of witches riding on broomsticks came from a time when women rubbed these ointments on their genitals with a broom handle and this masturbation was a form of transaction (witches flight).  The subjective sensation of flight was and still is the common theme reported by those who are under the influence of this particular compound. 

It should be noted that several Catholic Saints have experienced "bi-location" St. Padre Pio being one of them.  This means that perhaps there really is a way for one to somehow either separate from ones body or perhaps enter into the spiritual realm in some mystical way.  There seems to be a real effect here in that somehow and someway persons have been able to enter into the spiritual realm.  I frightens me that this tincture is using an herb that witches used to enter into the spiritual realm and that while there they would have sexual orgies with demons.  The incubus and succubus spirits have been known to come to people at night when they are sleeping, when our subconscious is between the waking and dream state. We do not know or understand the significance of the spiritual realm but it is clear that it exists as do demons and that many herbs and drugs have opened up a portal or gateway or doorway in which these demons can enter into us. Why would Lady Gaga use an herb used by witches to create hallucinations? While she says she is using the "tears" of belladonna, the tinctures used to widen the pupils of women was only to entice men to lust after them so again, it seems the goal is objectification.  

I also discovered websites that report that Atropa Belladonna was tended to by the devil himself except for the one night a year that he would leave the herbs (Walpurgis Night) to prepare for the orgies and on the witches' sabbath. 

"...Folklorist Will-Erich Peuckert of Göttingen, for example, mixed an ointment made up of belladonna, henbane and Datura from a seventeenth-century formula and rubbed it on his forehead and armpits, bidding his colleagues to do likewise. They all fell into a twenty-four sleep. "We had wild dreams. Faces danced before my eyes which were at first terrible. Then I suddenly had the sensation of flying for miles through the air. The flight was repeatedly interrupted by great falls. Finally, in the last phase, an image of an orgiastic feast with grotesque sensual excess," Peuckert reported. Harner emphasises the importance of the greased broomstick or similar flying implement, which he suggests served as "an applicator for the atropine-containing plant to the sensitive vaginal membranes as well as providing the suggestion of riding on a steed, a typical illusion of the witches' ride to the Sabbat."

- excerpt from The Long Trip: A Pre-history of Psychedelia by Paul Devereux.

It was reported that after the flying ointment was prepared, the witch would " ...rub all parts of the body exceedingly, till they look red, and are very hot, so that the pores may be opened, and the flesh soluble and loose. They add either fat or oil so that the force of the ointment may pierce inwardly, and so be more effectual." ( Reginald Scot 1584 ) Inunction ( allowing a drug to be absorbed through the skin ) would allow a lower and more constant level of the alkaloids to be present in the bloodstream.

In conclusion, it is this last part that concerns me the most.  If the skin is the largest organ of the human body, then is it wise to put a poison like this onto our skin? It seems that if there really is a spiritual reality all around us that even a small dose of something so powerful could possibly expose the threads between body and soul? Just a thought. At best it is still a toxin that has no place being put on the market and at worst it is a dangerous aphrodisiac that could open a person up to possible incubus or succubus spirits or so much more that I cannot begin to comprehend the potential implications to the mass marketing of such a substance to he target audience of Lady Gaga, pre-teen through early 20's.  


Here is where things get really serious.  A Pheromone is a substance that acts as a molecular messenger, transmitting information from one member of a species to another member of the same species. A distinction is made between releaser pheromones, which elicit a rapid, behavioral response, and primer pheromones, which elicit a slower, developmental response and may pave the way for a future behavior.

Semen is filled with pheromones and what they transmit is an increased sexual desire to the woman who smells it.  It is for the purpose of progration of the species of course but it also helps to ensure that the women it attracts have the right genetic markers to ensure the survival of the race and that there is not inbreeding.  So usually, women are not attracted to the smell of mans pheromones that she would not be a good genetic match for.  

So imagine a perfume in which male semen, well the semen was collected and the DNA and molecular structures of it, are extracted and used to create a scent.  The logical conclusion is that the chemical composition when mixed with the sweat of a woman would create a huge problem.  Women will be attracted to women.  Lesbianism will be on the rise.  

Let me demonstrate using scientific evidence. 

Researchers investigating body odors have speculated that pheromones are key in mediating socio-sexual effects. “Pheromones, which are ubiquitous among animals, have only recently been seriously considered as signals in human mate choice” (Cornwell et al. , 2004, p.635). Researchers are still at odds about where pheromones are interpreted within humans, though Wysocki & Pereti (2004) believe that the olfactory system detects and interprets pheromones.

Stop me if you heard this one, the medical journal; "Archives of Sexual Behavior", shows that women who have sex without condoms are less depressed than those who use condoms.  The reason? Semen acts as an antidepressant.  In fact, the studies author, Gordon Gallup who is a professor at the University of New York In Albany thinks it is because of an unknown chemical in semen. 

While reading through research journals, Gallup noticed that Lesbian women that lived together did not have their periods at the same time while heterosexual women did.  His theory was that the lesbian women were not exposed the pheromones in mens semen therefore the pheromone responsible for synchronizing of periods was not being emitted in the lesbian women's sweat glands.  When he came across a 1986 report in the "Medical Hypotheses" he read the findings of  Psychologist P.G. Ney and  found that semen is a rich chemical medium, containing testosterone, estrogen and other hormones: prostaglandins (made in the prostate gland), as well as luteinizing hormone and follicle-stimulating hormone (both trigger ovulation).  This is all absorbed through the woman's body upon deposit.  There is evidence that a woman can become more fertile as her body will actually change it's PH to match her husbands making the woman's body more hospitable to her husbands sperm.  She also benefits from the  testosterone in that her desire for sex is increased.  

Another study looked at the use of prostaglandin E1 for arousal disorder. Prostaglandin E1 is found in semen. In this study a gel, using prostaglandin E1,  was used on the woman's body and the women were tested to see whether or not their was significant blood flow to the area or significant increase in arousal levels, genital swelling etc compared to those who had a placebo. Those using the gel had a significant increase in arousal.   

What is my point in all of this? Semen has many chemical properties that effects women and how can women be effected by it? They can directly be effected by absorption (so wearing perfume on the skin laced with the chemical properties of semen is relevant here) or they can indirectly be effected by the pheromones emitted in the smell.  The catch is, other women will be attracted to women under this hypothesis because the smell of semen has scientifically been proven to heighten the feels of erotic attraction. 

Imagine, women wearing perfume/potion laced with semen.  Other women's olfactory lobes will be picking up the pheromones being emitted, chemically, through the sweat glands that are laced with this FAME concoction.  However, the women who smell it, will be receiving a male pheromone coming from a woman.  The male pheromones they will be receiving are ones that increase sexual arousal.  So, it sounds like lesbianism will be on the rise thanks to Lady Gaga.  Maybe we aren't born this way, maybe people are messing with biology.  

The Pill is a perfect example: 


Blood has a powerful spiritual truth inherent within it. 

I have a theory that "Mother Monster" is anointing her "Little Monsters" through her perfume/potion, perhaps even consecrating them to herself. Why else would she have put her own blood sample into the "mix" to ensure her own DNA would be an integral  ingredient? 

Blood has a powerful spiritual truth inherent within it.  It is so much more than a a fluid that brings nutrients to the organs in our bodies.  It is associated with numerous beliefs regardless of "religion".  We even describe our relationships through our understanding of blood.  We do this when we say "We are related by blood" or we are "blood relatives" or use the expression; "blood is thicker than water".  Whatever we think about blood, there is a truth inherent to the very form that it seems all cultures have understood.  

Blood binds the spiritual and physical together.  When used inside of ritual or sacrament, it will create either a contract or covenant.  

Blood has a supernatural or spiritual power inherent to it's very form.  From the beginning of time people of all faiths have believed this to be true.  The Aztecs, Jews, Indians, Mayans, Aborigine's, Pagan's, Jehovahs Witnesses, Occult and even Satanists all believe that blood is a unique substance that when used inside of rituals or religious practices can manifest some sort of spiritual "power". 

If it is true that blood is sacred, or that it does in fact have the capability of manifesting some sort of spiritual affect in the physical,  then we see it is no coincidence that Lady Gaga has shed her own blood to be used in this perfume/potion.   

In the Old Testament, God established blood as one of the means to inter into relationship with His people.  The offering up of a blood sacrifice, such as a lamb would begin with the blood being drained from the animal and then burnt on an altar to God.  More importantly to this discussion, the Jewish people practiced the rite of circumcision as a means of consecrating their bloodline to God.  Right at the place on a man's body (penis) which was "written" much like an icon, that he is called to be a gift, to lay down his life even if it requires the shedding of his blood, for his bride.  The makes visible the invisible says Blessed Pope John Paul II in his writings "Theology of The Body" and what is being made visible in the body of a man is that he is the initiator of the gift.  The rite of circumcision, done through ritual, was the shedding of blood for the purpose of consecrating a person and his bloodline to God.  

When Christ came he freed us from the law but the means of consecrating us into a covenantal relationship did not end.  In fact, the purpose of the hymen (the thin layer of skin covering the opening into the vagina) is so that when a man and woman come together in the marital embrace to consecrate or to "enflesh" the wedding vows, or to speak their vows with their bodies, blood is shed in that act because they are being united in a very sacred way through the shedding of that blood.  This is actually understood by the Jewish tradition in that symbolically the glass wrapped in a napkin and then stepped upon by the groom was to symbolize the breaking of the hymen. If the glass broke into many shards it was a sign of a very fruitful marriage.  

I discovered this when speaking with a priest who writes for Courageous Priest.  He then told me that when we understand that God is truth, life and that the devil knows what God's truth is.  The Devil has been studying it since the beginning so that he can exploit it.  The devil has no power of his own.  What the devil does is he looks at how God manifests spiritual grace or power and then he counterfeits it for his own dark purpose.  When the devil sees that blood is a spiritually significant substance and when used inside of ritual and outside of a sacrament that spiritual power is still manifested.  Why? Because God has made the truth about blood to be a substance that creates spiritual bonds.   The enemy knows this and then uses that truth.  Outside of a sacrament it is not a covenant, it is instead a blood contract.   The enemy uses blood contracts so he can hold it up to say "I have every right to be here, I have a contract!".  Blood contracts are broken by the person renouncing the enemy but then deliverance is needed through a priest.  

If her blood is in this perfume/potion as she states that is, then anyone who put this formula onto their own bodies is entering into a contract.  I was told by an exorcist priest that this is foundation for understanding why the enemy seeks to use sexual abuse of children as a favorite form of attack.  There are souls that the enemy spots as most dangerous to him.  He seeks them out to destroy them while still in the womb.  While we are all called to build up the Church and bring souls to Christ there are some that are marked for special work in the Church Militant.  If we had spiritual eyes to see, we to would be able to recognize those souls around us that have a calling upon them for either priesthood or for the building up of the Church in a very special and powerful way.  

The enemy has learned to recognize those souls.  While he cannot know for sure what God's plan is in and through them, he still seems to have been able to identify them.  Maybe it is because they have extra angels to help ensure their task, maybe it is as if there were a light on them and that light is different then others.  Whatever that "sign" is the devil has learned which souls are most dangerous and if aborting the child is not accomplished the next step is sexual abuse.  

There are three reason the devil uses sexual abuse to attack us.   

One, because it is the most profound wound you can give a person.  It wounds them right at the core of who they are.  We are either male or female and the way you know that is the body making it visible.  Our very person is male or female, not just our bodies.  When someone is sexually abused, it is not just their bodies that becomes wounded but it is their very personhood.  This is a deep wound.  It fractures a person right at their very core.  

Two, it creates wounds and wounds are the means by which the enemy and his demons can infest, oppress or possess a person.  The way in which the enemy gains access to a person is through woundedness.  Sexual abuse creates not just a wound, a monumental wound to the very person someone is, made in the image and likeness of God and now this person has been disordered from who they are, who God is and why they have been created.  

Thirdly, because usually blood is shed in this act and this is the means by which the enemy can form a blood contract ensuring that there will be an attachment that is lifelong (unless they break the contract). More on this if you click the links on the left side of this blog on "Deliverance". 

My point in this example is to show that blood binds.  If her perfume/potion has blood in it, it has a spiritual power to it, most likely a power that will bind the users to herself.  Who is that exactly? My bet is that it's not Lady Gaga, it is more likely to a dark agent that is operating in and through her.  She has many names.  She is the scorpion.  She is Mother Monster, Isis, Jezebel and Ashtoreth.  She has many names.  

Bottom line is, this is not a perfume.  This is a potion.  Don't buy this for your niece or your daughter or yourself.  Stay away from this because if you don't, you might be opening yourself to all that she created it for.  If you still don't believe me, then perhaps consider what you would smell like if you did buy it,  a hooker who has just had sex.  

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Life Is Pain

 The world wants us to think that if our marriage is painful, we must have made a mistake.  Perhaps we should find someone else, someone who appreciates us or can make us happy.   The truth is, marriages are painful regardless of who your married to.  The reason why is that we are all What a joke. Ya, how is that working out for us in a world where 2/3 of all marriages end in divorce. 

"Life is pain highness, anyone telling you different is trying to sell you something" Princess Bride

This is one of my favorite quotes from the movie "Princess Bride".  It was spoken by Wesley, the main character, had been in love with Buttercup and had hoped to marry her.  He was attempting to save Princess Buttercup who was going to be murdered.   Just as Wesley was willing to offer himself to save Princess Buttercup,  so can we all.  We can offer ourselves for our spouse so that with our lives we can be an instrument of peace, love, pardon, faith, hope, light, joy.  We can console, understand, love and even sanctify of our spouse.  1 Corinthian 7:14 for love covers a multitude of sins. 

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8
So armed with knowledge, I realize that to be a loving and committed wife, mother,  sister and friend, I have to carry my cross. My cross, my suffering will be shaped and even formed by what I have brought to the table, my own inadequacies, my own shortcomings and my own past experiences from my childhood all will be brought to bear in this endeavor.  

I heard a story about a woman  who was lamenting over the cross she was being called to carry in life.  She had a dream that night that Jesus came to her and told her that he would allow her to chose whatever cross she wanted to carry, since she believed hers to be the wrong size, shape and burden.  She was led to a room and inside of it she saw all kinds of crosses of many different lengths and girth.  She looked for some time throughout the room and finally decided upon the smallest one she could find.  When Jesus looked at her smiling she said "Why are you smiling?" and he replied to her "My dear, that is the one you have been carrying all along".  

Our cross is submitting to the will of God in our lives.  When we give our yes to God and open ourselves to do His will and not ours, we will feel the sting of concupiscence as our flesh resists doing the difficult thing.   Our flesh does not want to wait, it does not want to sacrifice or give up, it wants comfort and praise and easiness.  To endure hardships or sufferings for sake of love or to deny ourselves pleasure is to feel the sting of the cross because it "hurts" it causes suffering.   Many of our wounds begin this way.  Our parents helped to mold us into the person we are today as well.  If they were not mature in faith, the wounds can be quite deep.  

Do not despair in this knowledge! Instead,  realize that whatever your shape, whatever your brokeness, God believes it the perfect vessel from which to flow through.  Caryl Houselander wrote in her book "The Reed Of God" that each of us has been formed, our shape, created by the experiences of our lives.  Some of us are like a tender reed.  We have been cut through with knife, whittled out and hallowed and even notches cut into us.  But when the breath of God blows through us, sweet and lyrical music fills the air.  Some of us are like a chalice.  We have been hewn from the mud and rock and then set into a burning fire to separate out the impurities.  We have then been pounded by a mallet as we are formed.  When God fills us, we are like the Merciful wine that is offered on the altar at mass, poured out to the world and bringing a refreshing drink to those who are thirsty for union and communion.  Still some are like a birds nest.  They have been shaped by the hard work of their parents.  They take their form through tenderness.  Just as a nests shape comes from the warm and gentle breast of a mother bird, so too do some souls find their shape.  When God flows through this tender and loving vessel, security and love abound.  

 Whatever your shape, all of us had to be broken first.  Each of us have been formed, perhaps broken, through the circumstances of our lives.  

Take the story of David.  He was considered a weak, small, useless man.  He was the smallest of eight brothers and considered good for nothing but herding sheep.  Yet God chose David to be King.  Then David was hunted like a dog by Saul.  For years he survived as a fugitive living in cold caves, he was lied to, betrayed, forsaken even by his own son.  Because of these wounds, he acted out in sin.  Sometimes we sin because we are running away from dealing with the painful reality of something.   How did David try to most probably to numb the pain of it all.  He committed adultery, murder even! Yet we read in the gospel that David is one of the most influential and spiritual persons spoken of in the Old Testament.  In fact, Jesus came from the line of David.  God truly does work through broken vessels.  

There is nothing that God cannot forgive nor transform through His healing mercy.  

While we understand we are broken, we can sometimes get impatient with the brokeness of our spouse.  The good news is that our spouse is often the very person uniquely equipped to enable us to carry our own cross in life.   Our spouse is our Simon and God has chosen them to be a part of our lives for a reason.  That reason is the sanctification of one another so that we may enter more deeply into union and communion.   I dearly love my husband and I need him to live out my life because we are all called to love.  I believe that we are soul mates.  

Every year I am more convinced of the fact my husband is uniquely qualified to help me heal my wounds and grow in holiness. God makes no mistakes. Have you ever noticed that you tend to pick a spouse that seems to bring out the worst in you at times? That is actually a mercy. What???

Let me explain. If you read my article on Healing the Whole person you will remember that the devil is so clever that he often hides himself in old wounds and we, of our own free will bind him there.  He will propose something to us in a time of pain such as "No one will ever really love you" and in our pain we may agree with this lie.  Now we have a rejection wound.  We may then have a need to control others or to constantly seek approval because of this and in doing so we constantly feel the pain of the judgment we have made which is that our spouse can never really love us.  This causes so many problems as you can well imagine.  

Many addictions result from trying to numb the pain that comes from our wounds.  

Our spouse can be a bright florescent light that shines deep into our most secret places and exposes those wounds. This is a mercy of God.  We cannot change what we don't acknowledge and the enemy likes to hide in the dark.  When we expose the lies, we become aware of them.  When we are aware of them we can begin to invite God into them so as to heal.  

God knew that our spouse would be the person who could best help us carry our cross. Just like Simon, they may not want to do it at first or even resist, but just as Simon realized what he was carrying,  the importance of it, so too will our spouse see when God opens our eyes to it.  Can you see your spouses cross? Are you being asked to carry it for awhile? Let me help you to see.

Marriage is more than just a vow you make to someone you want to spend your life with.  Marriage is conduit of grace, it is a sacrament.  

 In fact in the Summa, written by St. Thomas Aquinas, we are told that  grace flows within the sacrament of marriage and that it sanctifies us. It says when two persons free from mortal sin come together in the marital embrace, grace pours into their souls enabling them to more rightly love one another and grow in holiness.  The marital embrace, understood in the above context,  is a means by which we can find remedy to concupiscence.  Christ came to make all things new and we are no exception.  Marriage is a means by which we can be sanctified.  

God desires for us to grow in holiness.   Our wounds, when we allow Christ in to transform us, become our greatest glory, just as Christ's wounds were transformed after the resurrection.  

Why? Because there is victory after the suffering.  I think that is why we have the bible story of Thomas asking to put his fingers into Christs hands and side.  It is to show us, that the wounds do not go away, they become transformed, they become a "sign" of victory and glory, perhaps our greatest gifts will now flow from this very place we thought were something to hide from the world.   The devil wants us to stay away from our wounds because he wants us to remain in the suffering, the blame and the shame. This is where he can manipulate us and keep us from entering into the call to love one another.  If we are called to be tabernacles, bringing Christ to others, think how disabled we would be if we thought we had nothing to share or that no one would be interested in anything we had to offer.  

I have numerous faults, so does my husband. Despite my husbands faults, I believe him to be a loving, gentle and generous husband and father.  If not for the love he has demonstrated to me over the past 18years, I would not have had the courage to go into my own wounds and encounter the living Christ there.   I tremble when I think of where I  would be now if not for him. 

It is interesting that , because of my past abuse in childhood, the most healing quality I have found in my husband is his quick humor and whit. I truly believe that his humor is another mercy given to me by God. In fact, when I decided to marry my husband I said to him “I am going to laugh so much in our marriage that when we are old and living in an old folks home I am going to be sitting in a rocking chair laughing, just remembering all the funny things from our life together”. 

In keeping with my husbands humor he replied back “Ya, and I will be saying; Why do you keep putting me in a room with that lady I told you I don't know her”. 

It was this humor and joy that convinced me very early on,  that I needed to be with him my whole life long.  I believed this would be the only way I was going to make it through this world.  The world can sometimes be  anything but joyful.  In a life filled with sorrow and abuse, I get so caught up proving myself, defending myself or fighting everyone that I forget to find joy in my life.

No joy.  Yup, that would be me without my husband.  He makes me laugh when my first instinct is to complain or judge or get angry because of my temperament (choleric).  He is so good at difussing my anger.  What is your spouse good at?  Is there anything that they have brought to your life that you are grateful for?

Let me tell you, that I know first hand how devastating it can be when your spouse is less than perfect.  Many people are fighting to keep their marriages together in today's world.  I am no exception.  My husband is battling his own dragons and because I am so close to him, I too feel the flames.   However, we must realize who we are fighting and it is not each other. “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” Eph 6:12

When we realize the fight is not against our spouse but FOR our spouse then we can allow love to overcome our anger.  Do not lose hope, you are not alone.   We are all feeling the painful blows of the mallet, the scorching heat of the fire, the sharp hallowing out from the knife as we are formed more perfectly through our suffering.  We can offer our suffering to God.  Mother Theresa said once that she imagines that the closer Christ leans in to kiss you on your cheek, the more you will feel the thorns on his crown pierce your own skin.  The closer we get to Christ the more we will feel the sting, the ache and the pain of others brokeness and sin.  We have been made for relationship.  We are more able to bear the trials and difficulties of life when we are united with others and as a mystical body of Christ we can unite our sufferings with Christ on the Cross.

Long suffering is part of what's needed.  That can only come if your willing to open yourself to forgiveness, patience and trust in God to make all things right.  If you are suffering and overcome with despair, fear not! You are not alone.  
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."
Matthew 7:7
Ask and you shall receive, ask for long suffering.  Pray the words of Caryll Houselander "Jesus, take my heart and give me yours".   Love endures all things, believes all things, 

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through ... Lovebears all things, believes all things, hopes all thingsendures all things. 1 Cor 13:7

We are all very powerful means by which to aid our spouse in overcoming the many adversities and trials that threaten our marriages.  I know this because I have seen it happen in my own marriage.  If you are looking for hope and healing, then read the letter I wrote to my husband during a major trial.  This particular trial would have ended some marriages.  I believe it is the love of God that opened my heart to realize I was being called to bring Christ to a very wounded man.  I invite you do pray about how you might be hearing the same call.  


You have worth and value that you did not earn or merit, it was a gift, you are not a dung heap covered with snow, you are snow covered with dung.  The dung is what the enemy keeps trying to heap on you, but through confession it is removed.  The sacraments give us the grace, we CAN NOT do it ourselves.  You are a unique and unrepeatable human being made in the image and likeness of God and where made for union and communion with Him.  Through your vocation of husband and father you are given a foretaste of heaven and paradise with your family.  Our marriage is meant to be an icon, pointing you to what awaits us, here we experience union and communion with each other as a foreshadowing of true union and communion. 

As much as you love me and I love you, Christ the divine lover, loves and desires you more.  He thirsts for you, he aches for you, to hold you and comfort you.  The enemy will try and keep you in the bowels and stench of self loathing.  He will lead you to believe that the way you feel about yourself is the way that God feels about you, or your children, or me.  THE DEVIL IS THE ENEMY AND THE LIAR.  God loves us, you are his child.  When our children defy us or act like their utmost chaotic and self destructive worst, as their father, do you hate them? Do you loath them? Is your first emotion and desire one of disgust and desire to repudiate them or punish them or to wish they never existed? No! Your first reaction, if it is like mine, is sorrow.  Deep grief and sorrow.  This is God's heart for you and for me.  He sees how we act like animals and his heart is grieved as any father would and He does everything in His power to reveal His love to us so that we might turn to Him and believe that He knows best. 

The world is a very cruel place and Satan desires to sneak in and make you believe that you have no worth, he desires to keep you weak in faith so that he can manipulate you.  Why?  Prov 23:7 - For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he. 

The devil is clever, but God is even more so.  When you think this is too hard...tell yourself I can not do this, but God can.   Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

I believe that God gave you me because God knew how very much I would love you and since He understood how very far removed your family would take you in believing or every knowing what God's grace and love could be, perhaps God knew that through my love that you would see God's love and that this would give you the courage to believe He exists.  

Shawn, if I could wave a magic wand and make it better I most certainly would, but God's ways are not our ways and through these trials and tribulations our marriage will blossom beyond all expectations and our spirits will be renewed and we will find more love for each other than we possibly knew we had.  Our hearts must be stretched if we are to love more, God is stretching our hearts, which is very painful, but it is a glorious gift for us!  If we did not experience this painful stretching, our hearts would not be open or big enough to fit inside of it all that God desires to pour into us.  He is giving us more! A larger portion, because he favor's us, be brave and remain steadfast because  Romans 8:28 "in all things God works together with those who love him to bring about what is good"

I am only quoting scripture because I want to combat those voices that keep lying to you.  Those voices will try to get you to believe that I am somehow mistaken, that any words I use to convince you of worth are because I am somehow blinded by love and so can not see or "know" the real you.  But if I use the words of God, those voices must be silent!  God knows all, He sees all and knows everything, even your deepest darkest secrets, even the most evil thing that you have done and yet, God still loves you.  Do not depend on my love to get you through this because the enemy will use this weakness against you.  Use the love God has for you, because He loves you as you love your own children, regardless of faults and failures.  You are his son and he knew what he was getting when He created you, you are no surprise to God, yet....He wanted you and created you despite His knowledge that you would fail Him. Isn't that great!!!  I tell myself that all the time when I am feeling miserable.  God knew  what He was getting when He made me, I am no surprise to God and He created me anyways. 

Just know I love you.  This is doable.  I will continue to show you that I love you and that we can do this together. May Our Blessed Mother wrap you in her arms and kiss your forehead for me, may Christ's tender mercy flow and spill out as a salve on your heart through the healing power of the Holy Spirit, May God the Father, embrace the man that he created revealing to you that you are a great joy and consolation to Him regardless of your faults. 

Loving you now and forever,
Your Wife,
Christina KING

Please pray for us, we really need it right now.