We Are The Walking Dead; but not for long...

The Walking Dead is set to start it’s 5^th season on Sunday.  Interestingly we are all interested in these Zombie movies lately.  It’s either a zombie apocalypse or it’s an outbreak of illness that creates zombies.  It is as if Hollywood can see what so many of us are refusing to acknowledge. We are the walking dead.  Well to be fair some of us are the walking dead and some of us are the walking wounded. Drug addiction, alcoholism, porn addiction, food addiction, kids killing each other in school, people beheading other people for "God".  What the heck is going on? It seems like we are living in a world filled with zombies.  

What is interesting to me about all of these successful movies and sitcoms is how they parallel our own culture.  It is as if these movies are a commentary on our culture of death. We may not live in the biblical times of leprosy but we certainly live in a time of spiritual leprosy. We live in a fallen world and with fallen people. The new normal is not man and wife with three kids a dog, a house and a white picket fence. In fact, I am not even sure what the new normal is, but it is definitely not the “traditional” family. The movies we watch that are depicting human beings as zombies, are closer to the truth than most tv sitcoms.

We are all in need of healing.  We need to find a means from which to heal our wounds.  We are all wounded in some way. Some of us are living with the effects of sexual abuse or physical abuse; some of us were abandoned by our parents. Still others were emotionally abused or psychologically traumatized by alcoholic or drug addicted parents or even others were ritualistically abused. Whatever the your childhood, chances are you either experienced abuse or neglect yourself or someone very close to you did. The effects of abuse wounds us and it is in through these wounds that we begin to form our understandings and beliefs about who we are, who God is and whether or not we believe in anyone or anything.

The wounds that are inflicted upon us are openings to evil or negativity. Call it what you will, it is through wounds that we are opened up and it is as these moments we can become bound up as prisoner to our pain, our fears and the vows that we make to ourselves. We also need friends that we can trust to love us despite our wounds.  We need friends to help encourage us and help us find joy and courage to persevere so that we can go into those dark places and and bring healing to them. 

Property of AMC 

The reason why we are struggling in this world is not because we are somehow strange or because we are not faithful or pious enough, it is because we live in a world that has been divided because of sin. Being faithful and growing in holiness can help us in our struggles but unless we address our wounds we may find ourselves carrying a larger struggle than God desires for us to carry by ourselves.

 

Property of AMC

If you or someone you know feels they are nailed to their cross instead of carrying it, then perhaps you are in need of healing.

Here is the Good News! Christ came to restore us! He makes all things new! Am I saying that healing our wounds is as simple as bringing our suffering to Him on the cross? Yes I am. It is not simple or easy to do but it is simple in choice. 

But wait a minute...have you been seeing Jesus as some wimpy guy walking around in an effeminate gown talking in gentle high pitched voice? Cause my Jesus is not wimpy, he is B.A. (Bad Ass).  He will kick some major butt if anyone tries to mess with his girl (that's me).  Are you seeing Jesus as the laid down lover he is? He is ready and willing to run into the darkest of nights to bring in his lost bride (that's you).  You just have to call out to him...

by Stephen Lindsey

In scripture, it says we have a mighty savior that will wipe away every tear and comfort every infirmity and remove every sin for those who believe and trust in him.  Instead of despair we shall have the oil of gladness, instead of shame we shall have double honor, not just in heaven but here in our lives, progressively as grace perfects our nature. The zombies are the sin and the evil in the world and he wants to eradicate it so that you can be resurrected and made new!

Jesus wants your happiness in the world and in the next, he wants to set you free from all that has enslaved you! Everywhere you go he is with you and longs for you to trust in him.  He pursues all of us intensely because of his great love for us.  We are no surprise to God, he knew what he was getting when he made us! You are no surprise to God, I am no surprise to God yet he created us anyways! That is such a consolation! 

When our wounds are redeemed and washed clean in the blood of Christ we are made new. The very places you feel the most broken become your most beautiful gifts. He will shine out of your wounds in ways that will not only transform you, but it will transform the people around you. His light shines through our wounds revealing hope and healing.  When we are set free from the healing power of Jesus Christ we are able to retain the graces He pours out to us and we will have Christ to give them in their own thirst.

How can one begin? Pray this prayer. Come Holy Spirit Come. Next ask for prayer ministry. Even Jesus had someone help him carry his cross.  Then, find a healing mass and receive the sacrament of the sick so that your wounds can be healed. The sacraments are means of grace that fills us.  Grace perfects our nature and healing ministry is the means from which to retain this grace so that we can be transformed. It will be through this transformation that the world will be reconciled to God. 

St. Mary's Catholic Church in Greenville Wisconsin will be holding monthly healing mass to heal and free the oppressed.  If you need deliverance from the evil one, if you need healing for your afflictions then come to the living water! Come be healed! You will receive anointing with oil in the sacrament of the sick, there will be deliverance, there will be healing prayer ministry and you will be given an arsenal kit to take home so as to continue finding healing and freedom. Spread the word! If you are traveling and need help finding a place to stay then email me and I will see what I can do. 

November 8th, 2014 7pm

December 13th, 2014 7pm

January 10th, 2014 7pm

February 7th, 2014 7pm

1. Address: St. Mary's Immaculate Conception Church  N2385 Municipal Dr, Greenville, WI 54942

   Phone:(920) 757-6555

   EmbracingYourGreatness@gmail.com

Letting Go

At first I thought going to a memorial service to say good-bye to Kolbe (the baby I just lost in miscarriage) was that last thing I would do.  The thought of making myself emotionally vulnerable and go back into the wound that I just wanted to walk away from was the least appealing idea to me.  Yet, when the priest at my Church texted to tell me that the cemetery that Kolbe was to be buried at had a memorial service being offered the very next week after losing my baby, it seemed to be an invitation from God. Either that or it was very coincidental that within a week of miscarrying there was a service being offered. Then he told me that the day it was offered was the very day we had a meeting scheduled anyways so he knew I would be free.

I have begun to see these kind of coincidences as ways in which God is gently nudging me in a particular direction.  They are painful nudges, but they are invitations that I have begun to understand as doors God the Father desires for me, His daughter to walk through because He want to take me deeper, closer and farther in my spiritual walk towards Him.

I can refuse these invitations, but I some how know if I do I will be staying right where I am.  A couple of years ago I began recognizing these invitations for the first time.  I did not realize that I was always being invited and had even accepted many of them.  Instead I had thought I was just "experiencing" deeper intimacy here and there, randomly.   Then it happened.  I was in Florida at a Healing Retreat dealing with the shit storm of what is my life and I heard the Holy Spirit prompt me to accept His invitation.  That is when I recognized that I am always being given invitations.  What do they look like? Usually they look very painful.  That particular night the invitation was clear.  "When I invite you, say yes.  If you do, I will heal you.  If you don't, you will stay where you are." The Holy Spirit was telling me that even when it was scary and felt like dying that if I trusted Him and said yes to whatever it was He was inviting me to, that on the other side of it I would find healing.  It is as if you are blind-folded and walking through traffic and someone is reaching their hand out on the other side telling you to walk toward them.  As scary as that felt, I still heard Him saying "Trust Me."

Even now I am having a hard time articulating the intense fear and reservation that still accompanies his invitations.  That invitation in Florida, the one that opened my eyes to see that I am always being invited, changed my life.  I call it my undoing because I was undone, but then I was made new.  

I heard the invitation to walk into the loss of this baby when it would be so much easier to just continue marching forward and get on with my life.  It is so easy to do with all of the things on my calendar.  I could easily slip away from it all and just try to forget.  Yet, here I was standing in a cemetery listening to poems being read out loud by other women who just lost their babies.  The most beautiful part of the ceremony was the moment the woman there handed me a purple balloon in honor of Kolbe.  As it was placed in my hands the tears slipped out of my eyes and down my face.  To hold something in my hands that was for Kolbe broke open the stones I had tried to put around the wound in my heart to keep from feeling the loss.  One of my most favorite songs ever started playing as we were invited to say goodbye in our own private way.

I watched  a mother and three children each take a balloon and tie a note to the string.  They released their balloons together and I watched as she kneeled on the ground holding her children and watching with them as the balloons rose in the air carrying their little notes with them.

Looking back at my own balloon I closed my eyes for a brief moment and I swear I saw Kolbe holding hands with his siblings in heaven, laughing and running chasing after the balloons like children do.  Then I did what I must always do  when I am going to accept an invitation sent to me from God my Father.  I let go.

If It Be Your Will

I love this image by William Blake because it speaks of what it means to unite oneself and ones desires to the will of God.  It speaks of reconciliation and of union.  I love the pose of the man as it is reminiscent of the cross, with his hands extended in such a way.  The body speaks a language and this man's body is saying to me that while he realizes the suffering, the cross that comes when he opens himself to God there is a peace and resting that takes place by allowing God to embrace him.  The fulfillment of all desire can only happen if we unite our desires to that of God's for us. Knowing this is one thing, knowing it as an experience is and entirely different thing.

Earlier this week I had a song playing through my mind.  It's a Leonard Cohen tune called "Waiting For a Miracle." Listening to Leonard if feels as if time slows down just a little bit and my mind quiets down.  It calms me, it transports me out of the chaos of a given moment into an interior life that feels like prayer.  St. Frances said when we sing we pray twice so perhaps music is it's own form of prayer.  "Waiting For a Miracle" says it all.

I was waiting for a miracle to come.  The way Leonard sings it, with such gentle melancholy expresses the tenderness of desire to have what I want, yet at the same time expresses the sadness of knowing that it would take a miracle.  There is no begging or pleading, just a hope and desire for it.  This has been my hearts song for the past week.

This morning I woke up with another Leonard Cohen song singing itself into my mind.  I had to smile because I felt it was a grace from God that caused it to sing me awake. It was my first thought as I opened my eyes.

"If It Be Your Will" is a song that I have loved for many years.  It is a song I have sung in times where I desired to embrace the will of God and not my own and I prayed for his grace to be poured into me so that I could desire it.  The part that says;

"If it be your will

That I speak no more 
And my voice be still 
As it was before 
I will speak no more 
I shall abide until 
I am spoken for 
If it be your will"

Became a prayer of sorts as I struggled with attacks from people that took it upon themselves to try and destroy my speaking career.   I know that God has the only power to do anything.  This song is my new prayer as I have transitioned into the hardest part of this miscarriage.  I am still waiting, but not for a miracle to come, but for a miracle of life that was created inside of me to make it's way out.  It is the hardest for me because I wonder what I will see or worse, that I will miss him or her and flush her away.  That is why it's hardest.  I just want this part to be done so I can transition to healing.

When I reached for my phone this morning I saw the tweet of Pope Francis. As if to affirm that the song that was sung to me as I awoke was indeed inspired by the Holy Spirit, his "tweet" spoke of God's will being my own.

"The one who listens attentively to the Word of God and truly prays, always asks the Lord: what is your will for me?" Pope Francis

I can thank God for transitioning my heart this morning by a gift of His grace.  I truly know that I want what He wants. I know there has been nothing wasted, a soul will exist for all eternity and his/her name is Kolbe and will be praying me into heaven.

I realized early on in this process that I could offer this suffering to God.  I solidified this during the mass yesterday when I offered my body as a living sacrifice.  I offered my body as an altar upon which to offer this miscarriage as a spiritual sacrifice to God and asked for Mary to give the graces to her priests who offer themselves daily without ever being able to hold the results in their arms.  I asked for the gift of spiritual motherhood to the priests in my life, that I would love them as Mary does.  That I would see them as my sons that need a mother to pray for them, to love them and offer prayers and sufferings for their protection.  I usually never help distribute communion, but I was inspired to do so.

I felt inspired to offer communion and felt the love of my heart being poured out to every person who approached Jesus.  I found myself looking deeply into each persons eyes as they came forward and felt a deep merciful love of Mary in me flow out to them.  I did not look at them as they approached, I would see them.  I would see their goodness and longing and desire to be filled and offer them the living God that is the only thing that can fill that void.

I am in a good place today.  God is Good, all the time, God is Good.

I Grieve

SUNDAY, MAY 3:40PM

Before reading this post please listen to The Song "I Grieve" By Peter Gabriel. You can listen to it while you read my blog as it will open in a separate tab.  This song as it embodies the emotions that I am experiencing.  It captures the moment of my life that I am living, right now.  The lyrics are so perfect...  There is something beautiful and something so raw about embracing life even when it means that we embrace the intensity of suffering, sadness and grief.

I am working through my emotions as I experience this miscarriage by journaling here on my blog.  I have a hard time with allowing myself to cry, to feel.  It is easier to numb myself.  I have become quite good at.  When I wrote the last two posts the flood gates opened in a way that I realized I needed.  I only realized it after I opened to feeling the pain. It almost seems like I am not supposed to be grieving.  Some of the questions I get like "how far along are you" is just code for "your not far enough along to be so upset."

I was almost ready to numb myself through this but then I realized that I really am hurting and if I don't face into that hurt it is going to come out sideways.  It always does.   Rather than stay in denial, or turn to anger as a means to control my pain,  I am choosing to embrace the pain that comes from feeling everything, talking about it and processing it in the moment.  It hurts.  I still find I cannot stay in the moment with my feelings and allow myself the grief that is just below the surface because life does go on, and on and on and on.  My children need me, my house has chores and there is work to be done.  I keep having to push down the sadness and disappointment and grief.

I will keep updating this one post as I document the process of losing Kolbe.  If you are just happening upon this blog post then you can read the first two posts by clicking the links.  The first one, "I'm Having a Miscarriage" and "Deep Sorrow"  will get you up to speed and I will put headers of the day and or times of the new entries...

Where am I at right now? Well, this image helps to make that clear. Right now I am angry at my body and I feel very alone.

I am angry with my body for failing to protect this precious little person. I feel alone because not everyone sees a miscarriage as the loss of a child.  Instead it seems to be viewed as the way the body discards babies that were possibly genetically inferior and "for the best."  I don't know why I am miscarrying but I do know that the reality is that I am losing a baby.

So where am I at in the process today? I am still waiting. I have a terrible back-ache, I am cramping but as of right now I am still waiting for my body to complete this process it seems to have committed itself to.  There is light spotting of pinkish brown mucus. It  reminds me of when I would go into labor. The first stage was losing the mucus plug.   It was so exciting to see that process begin  because it meant the long wait to have a baby was finally going to be over.  It signaled that very soon, a baby would be placed into my arms.  It signaled that a process was starting.  It was a sign indicating that a process had begun in which the result would be my child leaving my body.

It means the same thing today but there is no joy in it for me.   There is only grief.  So I will walk into that.  I will grieve.

I Am Having A Miscarriage

www.PaintingsByCynthia.com

This may be a bit of a difficult blog post to follow over the next few days but I'm finding that I need to use this blog to sort out my emotions during this inevitable miscarriage.

That's right, I'm going to lose my child. Before I know if he or she is a he or she I am faced with the reality that I will never hold this child in arms not will it suckle at my breasts.

Science has revealed the future to me and I have mixed emotions about knowing that sooner rather than later this pregnancy will be ending.

Last week I went to have blood drawn to check the HCG levels in my blood. This test detects a level of a specific hormone that a newly conceived child produces after it implants in the uterus.

This hormone is the same hormone that darkens the second line on a urine test indicating pregnancy. If that hormone decreases rather than increases, it indicates that miscarriage is inevitable.

I found out 4 days ago that my levels decreased, a lot. The exact words from my doctor were;

"Dear Christina
I am sorry to half to tell you but this is not a viable pregnancy. Your quants have dropped and we need to have you stop all progesterone. You should be able to miscarry on your own by simply stopping the progesterone. It can take A few weeks but with the low quants I do not suspect it will take long if you have not already noted bleeding.

Things to be concerned about are very brisk bleeding, increased abd pain, fever, fould smelling discharge for which you need an acute evaluation
We do need to follow the quants down to normal
I would recheck next week Monday

I will keep you in prayer during this time
Love and prayers

Michelle"

I have a great Doctor, but it's still hard to deal with, knowing I'm going to lose this baby.

I'm still waiting. The only sign of miscarriage this far is that just now, about 5 minutes ago I saw a tiny bit of pink and brown tinged colored mucus. Is this it? Is it beginning? Please Jesus, help me to bear this weight. It's so painful. I'm grieving the impending loss of Kolbe, the name I've given this child. If it was a boy, I wanted to name him "Maximillian Kolbe" if a girl, Claira Kolbe. So it seems fitting, to call my son or daughter by his or her name, Kolbe.

I wonder if you are already with Jesus or if you are still hanging on, waiting with me as the numbers drop low enough till finally you can no longer hold on. I love you Kolbe, your omit and Opi, your brother and two other siblings cannot wait to meet you. Until then, know how very much I will miss you.
Mommy

MY BOOK IS DONE ON HEALING WOUNDS FROM SEXUAL ABUSE!

I have just finished my first book.  Please consider ordering a copy, especially if you know someone who is struggling to heal from Sexual Abuse or Childhood Trauma's.

ORDER MY BOOK BY CLICKING THIS LINK

Why You Should Be Teaching Your Children To Argue

Should we be teaching our children to argue?  If we expect our children to be able to defend their beliefs, then we need to teach them how to state a premise, to give an explanation that defends that premise and then think through the reason as to why or why not their premise is right or wrong.  Wait, isn't that arguing?   According to the dictionary online it is.

My guest today on Embracing Your Greatness, my radio show on RADIO MARIA was Matt Fradd with Catholic Answers.  We discussed his DVD "How To Win An Argument Without Losing Your Soul".  It became clear within minutes that I picked a guest in which more conversion must be had.

Post by Matt Fradd.

We are called to evangelize but to do that it means we must understand what an argument is and what an argument isn't.  I must admit, when I think of the word  "Argument" I think of a heated debate with veins popping out of a person's forehead and pointing fingers and scowling faces, stiff body postures and definitely yelling.  But that is not what an argument is.  In fact, it is the opposite of an argument.

Arguing?

Arguing?

According to my online dictionary an argument is a reason or set of reasons given with the aim of persuading others that an action or idea is right or wrong.  A great example of this would be of a lawyer being asked by a judge to give his or her "closing arguments" to the jury.  Typically that would not include veins popping out of their heads, yelling and scowling and and the like.   Rather, the closing argument would be a summary statement of one's belief, a few statements to back that believe up and then restating the belief.

For example; "My client cannot be guilty of this crime.  Two eye witnesses place my client out of the country during the time the crime was committed.  The DNA evidence was contaminated because the police did not secure the crime scene and three forensic specialists agree that the results were inconclusive.   This proves that my client is not guilty of the crime he/she is being accused of."

Arguing?

So if an argument is laying a case for or against something then we need to be arguing more and teaching our kids to do the same.

It has become strangely apparent to me that people are having a very difficult time laying out an argument and then entering into a conversation to defend their position.  I think this is because we have forgotten how important it is for us to exercise our brains by using philosophy to broaden our understanding of things.  One reason might because of pride and a misunderstanding of justice.

When we are always right or "argue" a point from a position that we know everything and there is nothing to learn, we miss an opportunity to understand a world that may not use the same terms and definitions we do.  That is why the Socratic Method is a great tool in learning how to argue with people of different faiths or beliefs.  I love the example used on Wikihow.

Statement:  This table is blue.

This table is blue

Question: To a Blind Person is this table still blue?  If no: Proceed to Next Step

Is the table blue to a blind person?

If Yes: What makes it blue to a blind person and not green or pink?
            If someone can't see, what makes the table blue?  Is it their perception? Is it the rods and cones in our eyes that see the color? Is it the light that reflects the color? Is it the pigments or chemical composition that create a color?

This is the most fascinating aspect of using the Socrates Method to argue.  In asking these questions we teach our children the why's and a deeper understanding than just a right answer.  How can we effectively dialogue with someone who may have many different reasons for believing what they believe? We must know what OTHER people believe before we can share OUR beliefs.  To begin evangelizing before we know what the person in front of us believes and why would be like going to Mexico and speaking Chinese.  That would be stupid. Something stupid is something that does not make any sense.  Speaking a language that someone cannot understand would make communication impossible.  Desiring to communicate but choosing a method that is impossible does not make sense, therefore it is stupid.  See what I did there? I just stated a premise and then laid the foundation of belief for that premise.  That is the Socratic Method, well, it is the dumbed down version.  I work best with the dumbed down versions.

The next step for those who decide that table is blue only to those who can see it is to change the initial statement to take the exception into account.

Does a person need to see it for it to be blue? 

Now we challenge the new statement with another question.  "If the table is in the middle of an empty room, where no one can see it, is it still blue?".

What if there is no one to see it?

This reminds me of the question "If a tree falls in a forest but there is no one there to hear it, does it make a sound?"

This exercise is very important because it begins a discussion/argument on what is sound.  Two different arguments can in theory be very right.  Remember, the point is not to be right, it is to be humble enough to listen to the other persons point of view so as to better understand their logic, their reasoning, their beliefs and thus be more capable of communicating ideas effectively.

This is where I have failed miserably as a parent.  I plan on rectifying this today.  I have understood my children need to be better at defending their beliefs but I have been hard pressed as to how I can help them as 6 year olds, 10 years olds, 15 years olds and 20 somethings on the importance of being able to know why they believe something and then know how to effectively (the key word being effectively) communicate their beliefs to others.  This is evangelization folks.  Communicating their belief in Jesus Christ and their fullness of faith as Catholic Christians.

So where do we begin? According to Matt Fradd ask you child to tell you what a sandwich is.  One example he gave was asking his child "What is a bed?"  His son replied "It is a hard thing."  So he responded with "So it is a rock."  His son replied, "no, it is a big thing."  So Matt stated "It is big, like a truck?"  His small son got giddy and replied "No! " then looking down at his sheets with writing on it stated.."it has writing on it."  Matt laughingly stated "Ah, so it is like a book."  Some may think this is  a silly waste of time with a 6 year old.  I say it is exercising the mind of a future evangelist.  What makes something something.  Teaching ourselves to ask questions so as to allow someone to better communicate, thus not alienating them with us preaching our beliefs but also it teaches our kids to think about why they believe something and how to communicate it in a way someone can understand it.

Brilliant.   Who would have thought the most effective way to teach our kids to be evangelizers would mean to ask them questions and then teach them to argue with us about their answers.

Let me tell you that I have learned so much from people as I have traveled across the globe speaking. I remember meeting a woman on an airplane that was a practicing witch and believed that mother earth was the goddess that effected events in her life.  For the first hour she felt that I was arguing with her to be argumentative.  I was not.  I truly desired to know why she believed what she believed and what were her experiences and "truths" that brought her to her conclusions.  My first obstacle to overcome was the language barrier.  It became very clear to me that when I said "God" we were talking about two different things.  It took at least another 30 minutes of the socratic method for me to understand how to talk about God with her.  Terminology is very important.    The other obstacle was to get her to see that I was not trying to be right or change her mind, rather I wanted to get her to begin thinking about why she believed what she believed.

Too often we think we are supposed to throw people over the walls that separate them from God.  What would happen if we throw people over a wall? They would most probably become injured.  God does not force himself on anyone and neither should we.  The Holy Spirit is what opens peoples eyes to the truth.  Instead of desiring to throw people over the wall, lets bring them a ladder.  Then their progress over the wall can go as fast or slow as they need to go.  It will also be there when we leave.  Evangelization begins with humbling ourselves to know that God has a plan for each of our lives.  He is not dependent upon any ONE person to bring someone to Christ.

If we want to evangelize, we should begin with asking questions.  We should then define our terms.  We should be prepared to state a premise and then to argue it.  When we argue we should be listening to the person we are arguing with so we can better understand their objections with the hope of planting a seed of desire for truth in their hearts.   When people seek the truth, they more often than naught find God.  

So when Matt Fradd was asking his child to describe what a bed was,  he was actually teaching his son to one day become a great Crusader for Christ.  Way to go Matt.

Hell Is Proof That God Loves Us

HELL IS PROOF THAT GOD LOVES US

The fact that hell exists is proof of God's love.  Without a choice to go to hell there is no free will, there are no choices, there is no love.  If there was not a hell, then God could not honor our choice to reject Him.  Hell makes choosing God possible, without there is no choice.  If there were not a choice to go to hell we would be animals, without choice, relying on our instincts to dictate our lives.  

Photo from Mighty Mag Christian Cartoons

But does God pre-destine a soul to go to hell? The short answer is no.   According to the Catechism of the Catholic Church Predestined means that we are selected for divine adoption by an eternal decree of God (Eph 1:4). “Predestination is a mystery revealed but not fully understood; what we know for certain is that God is free to act as he chooses (Ps 135:6) and man is free to accept or reject his blessings (Rom 2:6-8; Sir 15:11-13). No one is predestined by God for eternal damnation” (CCC 1037).

photo From Holiday Wallpapers

Predestined and predetermined are two different things.  We are in fact predestined for heaven.  The old Baltimore Catechism says this about why God created us: “God made me to know Him, to love Him, and to serve Him in this world, and to be happy with Him for ever in heaven."  This goes against the argument that some protestants have used to say God predestines some people to go to hell and there is nothing they can do to change it.  They believe that some people are  chosen and brought into existence for this purpose, to go to hell.  This is false.  God does not desire it nor does He bring into being a person so he can then “send” them to hell.  

It is a person’s free will that destines a person for hell.  God’s gift of free will allows each person to choose heaven or hell.  There are two choices really.  “I am a handmaid of the Lord, be it done unto me according to they word” as Mary said or “Not my will but thine be done” as Jesus said.  The alternative is  “I will not serve” which was the response of Lucifer.   

So how is one to understand how a person is “predetermined” to go to hell? When we understand the immaculate conception we understand predetermined. Why is this? Because the Immaculate Conception reveals the very timelessness of God.  God is outside of time and space.  God is present, past and future all at the same time.   God applied the graces merited by Jesus Christ on the cross and applied it to Mary at the moment of her conception.  

Photo from Meditations of Zion Blog

How could He do that? Because God knew Mary would say yes.  This did not mean she did not get to chose it, it just means that because He is God He exists outside of space and time.  He is past present and future.  God knows no boundaries.  He knew she would say yes it happened already outside of time and he preemptively applied the grace.  This is of course my laymen terms for such a complex theology that only a theologian (which I am not) could explain it concisely.  

You could say that Mary was predetermined to say yes and be the mother of God.  Bl Anne Catherine Emerich talks about this in her 4 volumes that Mel Gibson used to write the screen play for “The Passion”.  She said in her writings that God desired to bring about the salvation of the world sooner but it was not until St. Anne and St. Joachim that two loved like the trinity into which Mary was brought and in which she would say yes to being the mother of God that God could then move forward with His divine plan.  That shows you how much God honors our free will.  He won’t even save us unless we allow Him to, that is how much He respects our free will.

It is hard to understand how the graces merited on the cross by Jesus Christ were given to His mother before she was even born.  Another way to wrap ones head around this mystery is to contemplate the Eucharist.   At mass we experience Calvary.  It is because the Holy Sacrifice of the mass is able to pass outside of space and time, literally making present the body of Jesus Christ, that this is possible.  We are not re-creating Christ’s death and crucifixion, nor are we re-sacrificing Him, rather we step through a mystical veil of time and space and Calvary is made present.  We are at the foot of the Cross.  

This is why we pray for the dead or why we ask for the Communion of Saints to pray for us.  Our prayers can bestow graces to them before their deaths.  We can pray for those who died and our prayers can merit graces that outside of time can be given to them before they died to help perfect their nature.  It is this mystery of timelessness that many of us cannot understand because we are temporal beings. We are bound by space and time but God is not.  The spiritual is not.  Angels pass through this veil easily because they are not bound time space as we are.  Perhaps this is why some Saints could bi-locate.  They could pass through the veil because it is a reality created by God to govern the physical realm.  However, we are spiritual and physical beings.  Therefore, we too are able to pass through the veil in ways known only to God and in our Glorified bodies we will move as fast as our thoughts and will pass through walls much like Christ did when manifested into the upper room.  He passed through the veil, the dimension that separates us.  

At the moment of conception God creates a holy immortal soul and infuses it into the body of that child.  At that moment God knows all of the choices that person will make before they make them, never diminishing their free will.

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It is the choices they will make that will determine their final destination.  All souls are destined for heaven.  This is the the truth of the trinity because every person is created in the image and likeness of God who is Love.  God is love poured out and overflowing and in that excess of love He creates Holy immortal souls.  This means we are all created to love and be loved.  If we do not chose enter into that love we reject God (who is Love) and chose the alternative.

The fact that hell exists is another proof of God's love.  Without a choice to go to hell there is no free will, there are no choices, there is no love.  If there was not a hell, then God could not honor our choice to reject Him.  Hell makes choosing God possible, without there is no choice.  If there were not a choice to go to hell we would be animals, without choice, relying on our instincts to dictate our lives.  

God does not force himself on us but rather allows us to decide if we will be with Him forever in Heaven or if we will reject Him and spend eternity in Hell.  We will exist for all eternity, where we do it is up to us. 

 So if we are not predestined to go to hell are we predetermined to go to hell? What does predetermined mean? In this context predetermined means that before it happens it is already known to happen.   Souls are predetermined for hell because their choice of hell is known by God before they live it out. 

James 1:13-15, "Let know one say when he is tempted, 'I am tempted by God'; for God cannot be tempted with evil and he himself tempts no one; but each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin; and sin when it is full-grown brings forth death.”

It is our choice to sin that determines whether or not we spend eternity in hell.  When a soul is pre-determined to go to hell it means that God knows that they would reject Him regardless of His invitations or intersessions.   He knows it because He sees their decisions, sees into their personhood, knows their hearts and understands all of their choices and gives them the freedom to choose.

Free will is a very powerful thing.  Even the devil has no real power other than what our free will gives him.  When we submit our will to evil and enflesh it, that is when the devil is able to oppress us.  Free will is something we should all contemplate more.  It transcends space and time and can condemn a person before they are born (because a birthday is a time and God is outside time).  On a positive note, it can also save the entire human race.  Jesus and Mary are proof of that.