Sunday, June 12, 2011
Is Congressmen Weiner a sex addict or is he failing to ask the right question?
Congressmen Weiner is stuffing his mouth with sweet cakes, or hot dogs, you pick. The attention he is seeking through sending explicit photos to women is a form of self-masturbation. It excites, it tantalizes, it feels good, it is like stuffing one's self with sweet cakes. Often times people do this when there is an ache deep inside that they are trying to numb or a void they are trying to fill.
For a moment, we will experience the pleasure and even the temporary feeling of being able to numb the pain or fill the void. But then, just a starving man eating food devoid of nutrition, we will grow hungrier and eventually starve to death. The soul starves when it uses things (or people) to fill the void God created within us so that we search Him out.
When we use sex in this way, we create a deeper void then what existed before. Just as nature abhores a vacuum, the soul too will cry out to be filled. Perhaps that is why some continue to seek person after person in a line of indiscretions wondering all the while “what is wrong with me?” “Am I a sex addict?” The real question should be, “What am I really hungry for?”
Once a person realizes “what” they are hungry for, then the next step is to realize that how we feed that hunger is not open for interpretation. Just like a food pyramid outlines intrinsic truths that define what our bodies need to be nourished, God has defined the truths that must be present inside any sexual union. Those truths, or ingredients are Free, Total, Faithful and Fruitful. (see my article on "To be or not to be a sex addict")
One of the ladies on “The View” posed the question “Well, what if a husband wants to have sex 10 times a day but he is after his wife, does that make him a sex addict?” I thought of a tape I had listened to early on in my conversion by Dr. Janet Smith. She asked the question “How can a man ever say no to sex outside of marriage if he never learns to tell himself no inside of his marriage?” I would venture to say that anyone seeking sex 10 times a day is not really seeking sex and this is the real question we need to start addressing.
The fact that someone would be seeking “quantity” points to the truth that they are using sex. Once any of us “use” sex, we are then using the person we are having sex with. They no longer become our partner, but they become an object. Once we make it okay for us to objectify someone, then it no longer matters with whom or even what we are having sex with.
What “sex addiction” really would be then, if there is such a thing, would be a failure to recognize the person and instead, objectifying others for our own purpose, not because our desire for union is flawed but rather our means for filling it is. For any rehab to be credible, the program would need to teach people to recognize not only the “person” in themselves and others, but it would have to explain the holiness of Sex.
Oh, wait! There is a rehab clinic that does all that!!! It’s called the Catholic Church! Some beautiful teachings on this very subject can be found in Pope John Paul the Great’s writings entitled “Theology of The Body”. This series of talks delivered in his Wednesday addresses over a period of years is now presented as a whole. His whole book can be read or you can pick up any number of books, DVD’s, CD’s, or more by catholic educators dedicating their lives to helping us understand what is truly a revolutionary look at the purpose of life, love, man and God’s design for it all.
I would also suggest Congressmen Weiner check out The Theology of The Body Healing Center with Dr. Bob Schuchts. My article entitled "Healing the whole person" reveals how many of our wounds can be healed when we are willing to ask the right questions. I think the real issue here is that Congressmen Weiner is no different than most of society only he has been caught with his pants down (pun intended).
What are you hungry for?